Browsing tag

choices

How does YOUR garden grow?

For those of you that don’t know, Lan and I are super fortunate to live on the Central Coast of California. The weather here is generally mild and sunny for most of the year; this is in large part WHY so much amazing produce is grown here. In my little neck of the woods, there are several U-pick farms that offer people a chance to go and pick their own fruits right off the trees/vines to bring home and enjoy. During the summer months, that means we get access to incredible organic berries like the ones you see here.

We’re well into October now, which means strawberry season is all but wrapped up, and blackberry & raspberry season ended several weeks ago. So, why aren’t I sharing photos of pumpkins or something? Because the picture above is what’s happening in my garden. For whatever reason (maybe it’s how we water, maybe the sun hits the yard a certain way), all the fruits in my yard have decided to show up late and my plants are continuing to produce. The blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries in that bowl above were picked yesterday…so much later than the pros’ products. And I’m more than just OK with that; it reminds me that in my garden, with my limited skills, my plants will thrive in their own time…if at all. They’re mine and they bring me so much more satisfaction than any box of berries I could buy at the farm-stand or the grocery store.

Why am I bothering to share this with you? Certainly not to brag about my gardening skills! Case in point: my current social media feed is all apple picking and homegrown pumpkins while my own garden boasts shriveled up squash vines that somehow got nuked by the sun…I can’t seem to grow pumpkins to save my life! *sigh*

So, why, then? Because when I think about this humble little bowl of berries, I’m reminded yet again how important it is to maintain perspective. I could despair looking at my garden and seeing all the plants that aren’t thriving. I could scroll through Instagram and be jealous that my neighbors have so much better luck growing their pumpkins. OR, I could think “wow, how lucky am I that my berry vines are still going strong?!” as I pop said berries into my mouth. I’m gonna choose that last option, in case you’re wondering.

You see, so much of our happiness is a matter of choice. Every day, we have opportunities to compare our lives and our circumstances with what we see around us and what we have envisioned. It’s extremely easy to get discouraged when that comparison leaves us feeling like we’ve come up short. I’ve felt that discouragement before and I’ll likely feel it again in the future. But today I choose to focus on what’s going well in my garden – and I’m not discouraged or sad at all. This little bowl of sweet sun-ripened berries makes me happy. And that’s enough for this brown-thumbed girl.

Hoping you find your happy too,

Cathy

Why Your Words Matter

It happens often… you’re having a conversation with someone and you just can’t seem to get the words out to express yourself. Sometimes, it happens in casual conversation; no big deal! Other times, the stakes are a little higher (i.e. you really need to work through a problem and get your point across!) and it’s just plain frustrating that you can’t express your thoughts the way you’d like. In those moments, you might be wishing you were a more effective communicator. You’re not alone – we’ve all been there!

The reality is there are few individuals capable of saying exactly what they mean, the way they mean to say it, in every conversation. However, there are some people who are more effective communicators than others, and if you are someone who wishes they were just a little better with this particular skill, we have good news – there’s hope! We’re sharing 5 practical tips to help ANYONE become a better communicator.

Everyday chit chat is easy enough – but when you’re trying your best to get your point across, whether for a personal matter or in a professional capacity, the process can be challenging. Effective communication in these scenarios is vital! You can’t get what you want, or what you need if you can’t clearly and concisely communicate that need or want. People cannot read your mind! Every successful relationship between two people requires the understanding gained from an open dialogue in which both parties are actively listening and understanding eachothers’ needs and wants.

One example of a relationship that absolutely REQUIRES effective communication:  marriage! If you’re married yourself, you can probably attest to the fact that your happy days are not a result of dumb luck. Marriage can be really hard work. When we say work, we mean it’s hard to communicate on a constant basis with someone that you love, in a manner that is respectful and at the same time, gets your needs across and met. And at the same time, understanding your partner’s needs and meeting those needs. Communication, when it’s effective, makes that work a little bit easier. But it’s still work in that it requires awareness and conscious effort. It requires respect for your partner and a lot of self-control, because by nature, it’s a personal thing. Controlling those emotions and staying clear in your message is what makes communicating in your personal relationships manageable.

On a professional level, whether you’re talking with a service provider, like calling your cable company to complain about something, or you’re talking with your boss or a colleague, there’s a level of communication that is required. If you want something done, or a problem solved, you need to be able to effectively communicate what the problem is and what the outcome is that you’re looking for…and it has to be something that they can actually do to work with you to accomplish. A lot of people are intimidated by these types of conversations. They don’t like conflict or asking for what they want. They don’t like being the person that’s seen as aggressive or assertive, because it’s uncomfortable.  We want to take the discomfort out of the idea of talking to someone effectively. It’s a much easier skill than people realize.

Being an effective communicator isn’t always a natural talent. It’s something you become with practice, and that practice begins from the time you’re a baby learning how your sounds and body language help you navigate the world to get what you need to survive. As you grow, you learn vocabulary that enables you, when you use it, to become more efficient in expressing yourself. As an adult, there’s no reason this growing and evolving should ever stop! As you experience life and navigate different interpersonal situations, you realize there are common threads in the way people speak and behave. You see the patterns in how people respond to you when you choose certain words, tone, and body language. If you’re paying attention and are willing to learn from each situation, you’ll be able to hone your skills as a communicator in every scenario going forward.

Equally important to the ability to speak clearly is the concept of listening and trying to see the whole picture. It takes a lot of self-restraint and mindfulness. This is an integral part of being an effective communicator. Part of being a good communicator is hearing what the other person has to say. You need to process that information, and then share with them what you believe you heard. While you’re not always going to agree with the points being made, showing that you understand the other party shows your level of respect for them. When people feel respected and understood, they are much more likely to meet you in compromise and understanding of YOUR needs and wants.

In discussing effective communication, it’s really important to acknowledge that our body language is a form of communication. Non-verbal communication is also a skill that is developed, because if you don’t recognize that you do it, you can’t develop it. Controlling your nonverbal cues is so much a part of conveying whatever message it is you’re trying to get across. If you’re not aware of how you communicate your feelings and your thoughts with your physical signs, you could be doing harm to your relationships and to your situation. For example, if two people are having a conversation, and one person is rolling their eyes or crossing their arms or leaning away from the other, they’re conveying PLENTY without saying a single word. While they’re technically giving the other person a turn to speak, they might as well be interrupting and saying “NOPE!”. Those nonverbal cues are every bit as important to be aware of and to control as the words that come out of your mouth. That takes a lot of restraint and self-awareness to learn control of these non-verbal cues – but you can do it!

So, how exactly DO you hone the skills required to become a more effective communicator? Well, we’ve got 5 simple tips for you. We encourage you to take these tips and apply them to your day to day interactions. With practice and consistent effort, we guarantee your life is going to be so much easier.

  • Know Your Message: Knowing what you’re going to say and why is possibly the most important part of communication. If it’s not clear to you, how can you possibly make it clear to anyone else? Know what you’re trying to convey… and if you’re going to be asking for something, whether that’s understanding, or compromise, or change of any sort, know what your “ask” is before you start speaking
  • Stay Clear & Concise: If you’re talking about an issue, don’t bring up other incidents or irrelevant details; it dilutes your message. Keep on point about your topic. That makes it easier for the other person to understand what your needs and wants are. Consequently, you’re more likely to accomplish your goal.
  • Listen, Listen, Listen!: And when you’re done listening, listen a little more. Communication is a two-way street, every time, without exception. If you’re not hearing what the other person is responding with, you’re not effectively communicating, you’re just talking. Chances are if you’re just talking, you’re not going to accomplish what you’re setting out to communicate.
  • Be OPEN To The Dialogue: Again, communication is a two-way street. Process the response you’re getting and be flexible with your opinions and your position. There may be information you were previously unaware of that could change your point of view, or other perspectives you hadn’t considered. Treat each communication as an opportunity to learn and to grow.
  • Don’t Be Afraid To Assert Yourself: Having conviction about what you’re speaking to is not a flaw. Knowing what you want and being willing to have the conversations required is a strength. Stay strong in your convictions when communicating with others. But, do it with respect because having a discussion doesn’t necessarily mean conflict. Don’t shy away from having the hard talks. Sometimes, that’s where the real growth happens. You might even be surprised at how easy it can be to accomplish your goals when you know what you want and you aren’t afraid to talk it out.

Communication helps us connect. It helps us grow. It helps us get things done. Whether in our personal relationships or in our professional capacity, our ability to effectively communicate our thoughts is essential to our success. We hope that these tips will help you become a more effective communicator.

With Sisterly Love,

Lan & Cathy

P.S. Check out Episode 21 of the podcast HERE ; we share our own experiences with bumbling through conversations (and teaching our kids how to grow into effective communicators in their own right). 

Back To School: Celebrate It or Hate It?

It’s that bittersweet time of year when summer draws to a close and we send our kids back to school. This summer we’ve been fortunate to make a lot of new memories with our kids traveling and playing through the long warm days. Whether we were enjoying a simple bbq with friends and family in the backyard or schlepping luggage through airports to see new sights, the goal was the same – to create moments that the whole family would remember.

That’s the thing with parenting, right? You’ve heard the cliché warnings – “oh, the years fly by so soak in every minute!”, “they grow so fast, don’t blink!”, “cherish every moment, they’ll be gone before you know it.” We’d be lying if we said we didn’t feel the pressure of time running out ourselves. There is truth in each statement. And, between us we have kids aged 8-20, so we’ve literally got ALL the feels these days. From elementary school lunch packing to college apartment move-ins, back to school means completely different experiences for us as moms.

Typically, there are two types of parents when it comes to school going back in session. Those who are super excited about it (Team Celebrate It!) and those who are just sad to see summer end and their kids go back to school 5 days a week (Team Hate It!). We know, the names could use some work… but you get the idea ?. No matter what team you’re on, it can be stressful just the same. For many parents, the summer schedule of having kids at home EVERY DAY can definitely be a strain – especially if schooltime usually doubles as childcare while the parents are at work (earning what’s required for those trivial things like shelter and food). Or, if your ears are bleeding from the 800 times a day your kids: ask for snacks/ say “I’m bored”/complain about their siblings – you might also be on Team Celebrate It! at back to school time. No judging here; these are all valid reasons to feel the way you do!

Over here, we’re teetering just a little bit over onto Team Hate It!’s side, and here’s why: we ARE looking forward to having our regularly scheduled days back. Having those set hours from 8-2 Monday thru Friday means scheduling meetings, getting work done and not juggling the kids’ needs at the same time is a relief. But, we’re also fortunate enough to have the type of work schedules that allow us to be flexible when that’s NOT the case, like during summer vacation. So, our kids don’t have to go to daycare, and we don’t feel that extra financial and emotional burden over summer.

Now, if you’ve talked to either of us in the past about the notion of “lucky” – we’re not huge fans of describing our lives that way. We work really hard at every aspect of our lives (relationships, finances, personal growth) to be able to live a certain way, so we don’t like the notion that it’s all down to luck that we get to do what we do how we do. All that said, we know that we have a lot to be grateful for, like an extended family that we genuinely enjoy. From siblings to in-laws to cousins and their families; somehow the different personalities and ages just gel when we get together. Of course, there are moments of miscommunication and misunderstanding from time to time, but they are minor and typically too brief to even remember. When you get to enjoy a summer filled with family time that isn’t stressful, it’s difficult to celebrate that coming to an end!

Whichever team you find yourself on when it comes to back to school time, we get it, truly. Because at the end of the day, we’re all on the same team for our kids… the one where we are doing our best to love ‘em and raise ‘em right. So, Happy Back to School to all of you! We wish your kids a healthy, successful year of learning and growing. And we wish YOU a year of patience, sanity & all the hugs from your little (or not so little) ones.

With Sisterly Love,

Lan & Cathy

P.S. If you want to hear more about what our summer and back to school experiences REALLY were like this year, check out Episode 18 of the podcast HERE. It’s definitely not all sunshine & sandy toes… there might have been a painful glacier hike and some anxiety sprinkled in there, too. ?.

The Myth of Instant Results

Picture a growing child…”Wow, when did you get so big?! It seems like just yesterday you were a baby!” That experience is growth in its purest, most basic form. The incremental changes that are happening every minute, every day are so hard to see! But, give a kid a year, even just a few months or weeks, and the changes can be drastic, right?

Now, think of your own journey and challenges in this way. Are you beating yourself up over goals you haven’t reached yet? Successes you haven’t realized? This is your reminder to STOP. Give yourself a little break. Because change is rarely apparent overnight.The idea of that is sure seductive, though, right? Ask anyone who’s been on a weight-loss journey, attempted a fitness challenge, or started a new business venture. There are a lot of very enticing “see results NOW”, “make $$$ in 30 days!”, “feel better than ever in less than a week” promises out there. And, we’re not questioning the appeal. It’s so easy to buy into the instant gratification mentality and start judging ourselves with unrealistic expectations.

As we can attest through personal experience, those promises rarely pan out. If you’re undertaking a new challenge or endeavor – that’s your “child”. Would you expect it to grow up overnight? Probably not. Because, you know that’s not how life works. Changes happen like a child’s growth. Real, lasting changes in your personal journey will happen over time, typically as a result of constant and continued efforts.

If you’re building your business, of course you’re celebrating the big milestones. Frustration when profits aren’t rolling in just yet is normal; but tweak your approach and move on. Use the hurdles you encounter as lessons to help you grow as opposed to evidence of failure. If anything is true, it’s that giving up is the surest way to fail.

Which is why we encourage people to take the time to celebrate the small victories. If you’re on a weight loss journey, focusing on the end goal can feel intimidating, especially if you have a large amount to lose. If you’re working on bettering your fitness habits, celebrate your personal records. Taking note of every time you make a choice to treat your body better is a victory. Each half pound loss is a step in the right direction.

Instant results are rarely (if ever!) instant, so we challenge you to do this: reframe your idea of success. Results really mean change, so start celebrating the small changes as success in your journey, instead of waiting for the END result and being disappointed in yourself and your efforts along the way. What if you could view your progress as success? Every step forward is an improvement from where you once were, and improvement (or progress) IS success!

Don’t believe us? Consider the most “successful” people you know, or know of. Are they wealthy? Well-traveled and highly-educated? Healthy? In seemingly “perfect” relationships? They likely all share something in common BEYOND their success. That common factor? Their journey is on-going!

Wealthy people typically don’t STOP making money; they always want more money. Travelers are always seeking new experiences and exploring new places. Relationships are constantly growing deeper and stronger. The educated are always eager to learn more and expand their knowledge. In essence, the bar is raised and the journey continues. In their efforts to keep growing, successful people stay focused on the daily steps needed to help them grow. They just happen to be further along on their journey than others!

Success isn’t a fixed end-point. It’s a series of goals or milestones reached over time. In reframing the way you view success, you can allow yourself the grace to stumble and learn along the way without succumbing to false and unproductive feelings of failure. You’ll also be able to see just how successful you already are – and that’s worth a lot.

With Sisterly Love,

Cathy & Lan

P.S. We’d love to hear from you; what journey are you focusing your efforts on today? Share with us in the comments below and let us celebrate your milestones with you!

Want MORE on this topic? Check out Episode 16 of the podcast; we talk about reframing success and how we apply this concept in our own lives as well!

With Eyes & Arms Wide Open…

It’s only January, and we’re finding ourselves in complete awe of how much has already transpired in 2019, how much we have ahead of us, and how much we WANT to do. Life is like that, sometimes, right? You can be in a routine for so many months, weeks, even years… and then, like the weather, everything changes in an instant.

The question is: how do you handle change? Both of us have experienced major shifts in our lives over the past several months, and the new year has brought with it a wave of changes. Some were expected and planned for, some not so much. But, with incredible support from our loved ones (and plenty of self-reflection), both Lan and I have made similar decisions – to welcome these changes and embrace them on our own terms.  

See, that’s the thing. MOST changes we encounter on a day to day basis will present themselves in the form of a CHOICE. It’s all about perspective. And your perspective can make all the difference in the world. Some choices are easy – Do I stay in bed and cuddle the baby for 5 more minutes, or get up now and have more time to get ready? (CLEARLY, stay in bed! ? ) Some choices are harder – Do I invest money to further my education or save the money to buy my first home? (Depends on your long-term goals!).

Some situations can lead to downright “analysis paralysis”. You know, that phenomenon of getting so caught up in weighing out every detail, pro & con, potential outcome, etc. that you end up unable to make a decision at all! We’ve all been there, right? The struggle is real and while we’d never want to diminish that for you, we want to offer you a little insight to make your next tough choice JUST a little easier to make.

It’s as simple as this: Even when it doesn’t feel like it, YOU’RE IN CONTROL. It’s true! Please understand that we’re not implying all life situations are controllable. What we mean is – in every scenario where you get to make a choice – you have some control. That knowledge, sisters, is empowering! It means you have the chance to determine the direction of your life. Just as you have the ability to decide between coffee or tea in the morning, you have the ability to make the tough choices with as much confidence. And when you embrace that fact, you realize your strength.

We’ve decided to face recent changes and choices in our lives with our arms and eyes wide open – because we know we’re strong enough to think things through and, when necessary, come up with our own solutions. We’re smart, capable, strong women who are not going to let a few unexpected changes rile us up. We’re going to view them for the opportunities they are: opportunities to be strong, opportunities to be brave, opportunities to learn and grow. We hope you’ll join us in recognizing your strength and trusting in your ability to choose how your life unfolds. You’ve got this.

With Sisterly Love,

Cathy & Lan

P.S. We’d love to hear from you; what life-changing choices have you had to make? What helped you reach your decision? Share with us in the comments below.