Don't Mistake Politeness For Lack of Strength

The Silent Majority

Are you registered to vote?* Here’s the thing: there’s no denying there are a lot of angry people out there (pick a side on ANY topic, you’ll find them) who are ready to be divisive, insulting, and negative to make their point(s). They’re loud and abrasive. You know who we’re talking about!

BUT…

We believe that’s not the majority. We believe there’s reason to have faith in each other. We believe that, for most of us, the goals are common and the progress is possible. We believe that civil discourse is the way to go and that, like us, MANY are having these difficult and important conversations not visible on social media. We also believe in showing up when it counts. In using our voices when it matters. We believe in the power of our votes.

It’s not too early to register to vote in this year’s election. It’s not too early to start informing yourself on the issues that matter most to you. It’s not too early to show your strength by using your voice. Have meaningful conversations, learn as much as you can, and when November comes around: VOTE!

*Need to check your registration status? Go to vote.gov to check and get registered today!

Listening, Learning, & Supporting.

2020 is NOT letting up, is it? We’re still grappling with Covid-19, which means schools, businesses, and much else about our “normal” lives is still anything but normal.

As is so often the case, life has not presented us with just one thing to focus our attentions on. In recent months, there have been incidents of extreme injustice that have brought years of racial inequality into stark relief for the nation as a whole. In the era of camera phones and social media, it is impossible to argue the facts of what happened to Ahmaud Arbery, what happened to George Floyd, and what happened to Breonna Taylor. The murder of these black people have stoked outrage, as it should.

This outrage has not been solely for these three victims of unprovoked brutality. It’s the culmination of years of pent up grief and anger at the injustice of a broken system. A system that we, as a nation, have allowed to continue relatively unchecked for far too long.

And so, in recent months, the affected segment of our populationhas grown loud. Black people are pleading: For us all to take their struggle seriously. To not confuse or dilute their message. To understand. To be their allies. To give them the same rights and humanity that are afforded other citizens in our nation. To acknowledge that systemic racism (whether we acknowledge our role in it or not) is something that dictates how they get to live every day.

On Tuesday this week, many on social media (ourselves included) participated in #blackouttuesday, where we paused our normal feed to show up in solidarity with our black sisters and brothers. It was, though flawed in the eyes of some, a step that many took to say “ok, I’m taking a moment to pay attention and hopefully help in some way, even if I feel unsure of what that means.”

We can’t speak for all, but we want to clarify our message. We participated in #blackouttuesday to say this: “We’re listening. We’re grieving for your many losses. We’re TRYING to learn more. We are ACTIVELY participating. We SUPPORT you. We support #BlackLivesMatters.”

Sounds ok, but for those of you that might be wondering what that actually translates to in action? We want to be explicit with how we’re trying. These are the things we’re doing:

  1. Having difficult conversations with adult family members and friends, challenging each other to identify and pinpoint our respective roles in a society that has allowed and accepted racial inequality as our norm.
  2. Speaking with our young children about what racism means, how it’s a learned way of thinking and living that we must actively work to unlearn and not perpetuate.
  3. Listening – to shared messages from members of the black community, the law enforcement community and, yes, also the white community – to understand the different perspectives.
  4. Reading – about the deep history of racial inequity in our country and about some of the many stories of lives that have been unnecessarily cut short.
  5. Supporting black owned businesses by actively seeking them out and patronizing them.
  6. Reaching out to our local law enforcement offices to better understand what policies they have in place so that we can work within our own communities to advocate for and vote for proper reform.
  7. Reflecting on our own privileges and acknowledging how we have benefited from a societal structure that has kept others oppressed.

These are the things we’re doing. Are they enough? On their own, no. We are not so naive as to believe that to be the case. We’re realists who understand that the task of implementing real and lasting reform of both mindset and policy is not only complicated, but difficult. There is much work to be done, and the struggle will continue long after the protests slow down.

However, we are also by nature, hopeful. No matter how dire the circumstances, no matter how frustrating (or enraging) the information we digest…we remain hopeful. Why? Simply put, we don’t see any other way around it. We have children to raise. We have future generations to consider. We have global and local issues that cannot be ignored (Covid, climate change, education) any more than BLM can be ignored. We have our individual lives to keep living, paychecks that need to be earned… even as we continue to put in the work to amplify the voices of those who need us to support them.

Today would have marked the 27th birthday of Breonna Taylor. We write her name and we speak it out loud because her life mattered. Her death matters. The changes that will lead to fewer deaths like hers are necessary. We have hope that they can happen. In the meantime, we will keep listening. We will keep trying to learn. And we will keep working to be the allies that we would want for ourselves, for our own children.

We began Better With Sisters for many reasons, but the first and foremost was to cultivate connection. That is still and will always be our main focus. We believe in spreading positivity and support for ALL our sisters. We also believe in looking forward to our future with hope and optimism.

So, while our future posts will continue to be varied in nature, please know that it does not detract from the work we know still needs to be done and the work we continue to do. We encourage you, as always, to connect with us and let us know what’s on your mind.

With sisterly love,

Cathy & Lan

In The Meantime…

“It’s OK if you need to let it out; be sad, be frustrated, say out loud that you’re scared or nervous, or even mad. It’s definitely OK to cry if you need to. BUT, know that we’re in this together, and this will pass. In the meantime, I’m here for you.”

Nope, these weren’t words I said to a friend. These were the words I had to give to my 10 year old last night. She had been, up until that point, generally upbeat and incredibly well-adjusted to the whole quarantine situation. She and her 8 year old brother have been a God-send to me in this time of crisis. They’ve given me joy and a sense of purpose through this very surreal experience where any sense of normalcy has been all but abandoned. But, it was bound to happen, the asking of this question. As we headed into the 6th week of sheltering in place, she asked me over dinner:

“Mommy, when will this be over so we can be with everyone again?”

And, my heart broke a little as I replied:

“I’m so sorry, sweetie, but I honestly don’t know. I can’t promise you anything because I just don’t have the answers…as much as I wish I did.

Her eyes welled up and she finally released the tension she didn’t even know she’d been holding. My response was a blow for her in more ways than one. You see, our kids rely on us, as parents, to KNOW… all the things. To guide them and to have definitive answers about the world around them. They look to us for how to react, how to process, and how to move forward. They take their cues from us in every way. And that’s why it’s important that we approach parenting from a place of honesty and compassion.

When I gave her this reply of honest uncertainty, it was just another blow to her already tenuous hold on normalcy. She cried, and they were not the tears of a kid with a scraped knee. These were tears of grief as real as any adult’s. These were tears of frustration over a situation she could neither fully understand or control. These were tears of longing for her family, friends and teachers. And these tears just about undid me as a mom.

And that’s why I gave her what I could: permission to FEEL. Permission to be sad so that she could then figure out how to move forward. And then, I gave her reassurance that she wasn’t alone. Because, at the end of the day, that’s all any of us can do, right? Acknowledge our hardships and then keep going, with the support of the ones around us. So, whenever you can, please give your fellow citizens this same consideration: we’re all processing as best as we can… and we can all use a little empathy and support.

I KNOW we will get through this. We, as a global community, will move forward. We always do, because we are resilient. We are strong enough. But, being strong doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to feel the hardships as we go through them.

I’m sharing this because I hope YOU will allow yourself to be sad/mad/frustrated/anxious or WHATEVER emotion you are experiencing. I hope you’ll allow yourself this and know that we’re all feeling the same things. Maybe at different times, and maybe we’re expressing a little differently, but we truly are in this together. And that is precisely how we’ll get THROUGH it, too: TOGETHER.

With love and support-

Cathy